[ Grif has left a video. He's sitting at his desk, the disaster kingdom that is his room is visible in the edges of the frame, but it's hard to pay attention to that right now instead of him. Grif is usually slouching, open, and unconcerned, with all the posture (or lack thereof) one would expect. Now he's straight and serious, leaning slightly forward toward the camera, and the lines of his face are hard. ]
My name is Grif, and I'm an asshole.
[ Did he plan this out? Did he think about what the consequences of this might be, posting a video on a public venue to a ton of people? Not even a little bit. ]
Don't get me wrong, I'm a lovable and good-looking asshole who brightens everyone's day, but mostly? Yeah. I'm a fucking asshole.
Meanwhile, ninety-nine percent of this team? They're nice people.
[ Grif says it in the same way your deep southern aunt would say "bless their hearts". ]
The problem with nice people is that they're nice. They make a lot of stupid decisions because they're nice. They care more about helping people than, say, not dying. Not me. I'm here for one person, and you're looking at him.
[ He points at his chest with one thumb for emphasis. ]
So. Things get bad? I'm the one wanting out alive as priority number one. This team needs me because if you don't have an asshole around, nobody else is gonna say "hey, maybe getting yourself killed is kind of unacceptable".
If I don't help the Legion when something like Galactus comes out of a fucking wormhole or whatever, I'm going to die a whole lot sooner than I planned on it. I've got a hell of an incentive to want the rest of these guys alive. You know. So I don't end up alone fighting endless inevitable space death.
I'm not brave. I'm not nice. I'm not selfless. [ He counts those off on his fingers. ] But I'm fucking fast, and I'm fucking practical, and that's why you shitheads better be glad I'm here. Cause if it weren't for me? Nova Prime is exactly the kind of disgustingly brave, stupid, selfless jackass who would've gone out there to talk to the Surfer alone, and we would be down an actual nice person that I'm sure plenty of you would rather have around than me.
[ He sits back, fingers folded. ]
So sure. Doubt me. Call me a coward, I am. Call me lazy, I am. Call me messy, stupid, and obnoxious because how amazing, those are true too. But don't you ever say I did not do the best I could on Braal.
Or I'll hit you in the teeth at mach 2, squaj, and you know what's great about being an asshole?
[ Grif leans forward to glare into the camera. ]
I won't feel even a little bad about it.
[ He backs up a little. ]
That's it. You guys have fun on here doing whatever weird creepy shit it is you do, I'm done.
[ He reaches up and shuts off the recording with an expression of disgust. This is his last contribution to this meme post. ]
Re: I'm Forge, AMA
[ Grif has left a video. He's sitting at his desk, the disaster kingdom that is his room is visible in the edges of the frame, but it's hard to pay attention to that right now instead of him. Grif is usually slouching, open, and unconcerned, with all the posture (or lack thereof) one would expect. Now he's straight and serious, leaning slightly forward toward the camera, and the lines of his face are hard. ]
My name is Grif, and I'm an asshole.
[ Did he plan this out? Did he think about what the consequences of this might be, posting a video on a public venue to a ton of people? Not even a little bit. ]
Don't get me wrong, I'm a lovable and good-looking asshole who brightens everyone's day, but mostly? Yeah. I'm a fucking asshole.
Meanwhile, ninety-nine percent of this team? They're nice people.
[ Grif says it in the same way your deep southern aunt would say "bless their hearts". ]
The problem with nice people is that they're nice. They make a lot of stupid decisions because they're nice. They care more about helping people than, say, not dying. Not me. I'm here for one person, and you're looking at him.
[ He points at his chest with one thumb for emphasis. ]
So. Things get bad? I'm the one wanting out alive as priority number one. This team needs me because if you don't have an asshole around, nobody else is gonna say "hey, maybe getting yourself killed is kind of unacceptable".
If I don't help the Legion when something like Galactus comes out of a fucking wormhole or whatever, I'm going to die a whole lot sooner than I planned on it. I've got a hell of an incentive to want the rest of these guys alive. You know. So I don't end up alone fighting endless inevitable space death.
I'm not brave. I'm not nice. I'm not selfless. [ He counts those off on his fingers. ] But I'm fucking fast, and I'm fucking practical, and that's why you shitheads better be glad I'm here. Cause if it weren't for me? Nova Prime is exactly the kind of disgustingly brave, stupid, selfless jackass who would've gone out there to talk to the Surfer alone, and we would be down an actual nice person that I'm sure plenty of you would rather have around than me.
[ He sits back, fingers folded. ]
So sure. Doubt me. Call me a coward, I am. Call me lazy, I am. Call me messy, stupid, and obnoxious because how amazing, those are true too. But don't you ever say I did not do the best I could on Braal.
Or I'll hit you in the teeth at mach 2, squaj, and you know what's great about being an asshole?
[ Grif leans forward to glare into the camera. ]
I won't feel even a little bad about it.
[ He backs up a little. ]
That's it. You guys have fun on here doing whatever weird creepy shit it is you do, I'm done.
[ He reaches up and shuts off the recording with an expression of disgust. This is his last contribution to this meme post. ]